


scary fanfiction

by silvery_sunset



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Horror, Attempt at Humor, Breaking the Fourth Wall, Comedy, Gen, Mentions of Blood, Next Generation Captains (Haikyuu!!), Serial Killers, cliches, horror parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-03
Updated: 2020-09-03
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:00:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,736
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26275288
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silvery_sunset/pseuds/silvery_sunset
Summary: Four high school friends, a road trip to an isolated place in the middle of the woods and a broken car.What could go wrong?
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji & Shirabu Kenjirou, Futakuchi Kenji & Yahaba Shigeru, Shirabu Kenjirou & Yahaba Shigeru
Comments: 6
Kudos: 43





	scary fanfiction

**Author's Note:**

  * For [daedalust](https://archiveofourown.org/users/daedalust/gifts).



> this is for kdad because they made me terrified of hirugami
> 
> Warning: horror movie references, wacky comedy, Futakuchi being smart.

“Come on, it’ll be a nice team bonding exercise we will all have fun!” 

Shirabu Kenjirou would be having much more fun memorizing the diagrams for his anatomy class then like this. And does “team bonding” even mean? They got over that in high school! It was Ennoshita’s suggestion and he wasn’t even there with them. Shirabu will kill him when he comes back.  
Of course, he will ignore that he immediately accepted the proposal when Ennoshita asked, because he was running on coffee and spite after his third night sleeping in the college library. Yamaka-san had to wake him up in time for his first period and he decided he needed a break.  
A break definitely did not mean having to drive all the way into an unknown spot into the woods out of his prefecture with the three people he hated the most in the world whining inside the car. 

“Shirabu, lower the radio, my head hurts” 

Akaashi Keiji groaned from the backseat of the minivan where they were all stacked in. He wore a ridiculous sleep mask with unicorn and rainbow motifs. According to him, it was the only one that prevented eyebags. Since Akaashi barely slept now that he had to adapt to his new mangaka’s horrendous sleeping schedule, that included calls at 3 in the morning affirming he had an amazing idea for a side character arc and needed to meet him in fifteen minutes, Akaashi’s face has been slowly merging into a panda’s. Of course he would accept the idea of a nice trip with his good friend from high school to a calm and silent place where he could relax and maybe finally finish his poetry anthology and become a published author and finally get some kind of acknowledgement and satisfaction in his adult life.  
But all his hopes and dreams shatter in a million of tiny pieces when he takes off his sleeping mask and sees Yahaba trying to steal the packet of bear shaped gummies from the pocket of a bag that belonged to a now sleeping Futakuchi. 

It’s like high school all over again except he has no option to sneak out of the room to drink coke and make out with ennoshita because fucking Ennoshita isn’t there to begin with. 

As Shirabu purposely tries to break the van’s shock absorbers by running into a speed bump, Akaashi watched a blurry Yahaba fall into his face on the floor, because the idiot did not know what seat belts were.He wonders what has he ever done in his past life to deserve this. 

Yahaba, on the other hand, is strangely excited about this trip thing, except for the fact that he would have to spend two days in the same place as Shirabu and Futakuchi. But it’s okay, he has the woods as a refugee in case the anger becomes too much.  
So, rubbing his very red forehead that bumped on the floor, he smiles triumphantly when the packet of gummies falls from Futakuchi’s bag and he finally has a way to bother the unbothered sleeping guy in front of him.  
Why did he accept the trip? Ennoshita was one of the few people in the world Yahaba trusted his life with, mainly because they got along pretty well in high school and because they had to work together at the start of Ennoshita’s work as physiotherapist. Of course it’d be fine to go on a trip with him, maybe he’d finally be able to try this one fishing rod he bought on impulse.  
The problem was that Ennoshita was a traitor and a backstabbing evil villain that left him to be eaten by the wolves, and by that he means spending 48 hours under a 100 meter radius or nearer the idiots in the car. 

He will survive, he tells himself, smashing the sour gummies packet into a ball as he chomps the last little gummy bear and throws the ball to the seat in front of him, hoping Futakuchi would wake up and be angry so he could have some fun before Shirabu decides to go berserk and drives them all into a crash. 

It seems the latter is most likely to happen because his lack of seatbelt drives Yahaba to the floor of the minivan once again and they all could listen to the sound of rocks, leaves and unknown objects scratching the car’s surface. Akaashi didn’t even flinch, he was very accepting of his destination. 

When Yahaba opens the van’s window curtain to see a sight of a dark closed forest with a very small light source, he realized it. 

When the car bumped into a hard something and the engine whined and screamed for help before the sweet embrace of death took it away from them, he started to get worried. 

When he heard a breathy “Fuck!” from the driver’s seat, he despaired. 

“So, there’s a little problem.” Shirabu sighed, insisting on twisting the key and praying under his breath for it all to be a bad dream because this couldn’t be happening, not to him of all people. God, why?

“WE ARE LOST” Yahaba’s voice made Shirabu’s ears ring. He didn’t know if it was because he was naturally annoying or because he was screaming at the same frequency as a plane turbine. 

‘WE ARE WHAT?” Akaashi jumped off his seat, the pink unicorn mask crumpled on his face as he tried to reach for his glasses. “SHIRABU WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?”

Ah, of course, it was always his fault he was always the wrong one when they’re all forgetting the idiot who brought them there in the first place. Shirabu rolls his eyes. “We are not lost, the car is just having it a little hard to turn on. 

“Are we there yet?” Futakuchi yawned. stretching his arms up. 

“SHUT UP!”

\--

“Why do I have to be the guy fixing the car when you were the one who broke it?” Futakuchi whined, opening the minivan's hood, wincing at the smoke and heat coming out of it. “Shit, this is worse than i thought.”

“Because you’re the only one who knows something about cars here.” Shirabu scoffed, furrowing his eyebrows at the last statement. Maybe he messed up a little. 

“I noticed, you barely know how to drive without running over people.”

Shirabu was about to bite that one back when Akaashi sighed tiredly for the nth day since they got lost, staring at his cellphone like he wanted to throw it in the nearest wall. “No signal. no hoist. We’re stuck.” 

Inside the brains of the four of them, anxious young adults who have known each other since the early days of captain meetings for volleyball clubs, fear and despair planted itself. Not because they were in the middle of nothing with no communication to the outer world, not because they could get eaten by a wild animal at any moment and were completely defenseless, but because the biggest nightmare the four of them have been fearing since they first locked eyes and exchanged insults was finally real. 

They were stuck. Together. 

This can’t be happening

“I’m stuck with you people until we can fix the car or get rescued by someone?” Yahaba, very smartly, pointed out. 

“Apparently, yes.” Akaashi answered with a smile. Maybe he was already turning to the dark side of madness. 

“I’m going to kill Ennoshita and then revive him and then kill him again.” Shirabu muttered, trying to call for help with his own phone with no success at all. 

“Get in line, Shirabu, I’m going first.” Akaashi snarled. 

“Excuse me, he called me first and took advantage of my half dead state that fake bastard”

“He promised me exactly what I wanted to do to get out of work and forget I existed as a human and left me to rot with you. “

Akashi and Shirabu stared at each other like two cats fighting for the last cockroach corpse in the house. Thunder clapped in the sky, the wind made the trees swing and a small fruit fell on Yahaba’s head. 

“Can we not fight over who’s been wronged by Ennoshita the most and get back inside?” Futakuchi addressed the two. “It’s going to rain.”

Of all reasonable smart people inside that place, Futakuchi was taking the role of voice of reason and had the best suggestion to be followed. Yahaba, Akaashi and Shirabu obviously looked over that fact as Yahaba pointed the same thing out and everyone complied, agreeing that, of course, Yahaba’s decision was the smartest thing to do. It didn’t mean Akaashi and Shirabu stopped squinting at each other. Maybe Shirabu had a bad eyesight too. 

“Luckily we all brought food for two days, right?” Shirabu asked, opening his luggage to pull a bag of mocha cocoa potato chips. 

“Where are my bear gummies?” Futakuchi asked, very calmly. 

A choking silence filled the inside of the minivan, no one dared to spare a glance at him. 

“Again, Akaashi, Shirabu, Yahaba, where the fuck are my bear gummies?”

Making direct eye contact with Futaku was not a good idea at the moment and the three of them found out in the worse way, feeling their spines shiver and their primal animalistic instincts scream for the to get out of the car as fast as they could because they would be slaughtered by the predatory fury. 

“Be right back, gonna pee” Yahaba said before jumping out of the car to run as far as he could. 

“It was him, wasn’t it?”

“Yeah I think Akaashi saw him.”

“I did”

“I’m gonna go get—”

“Don’t.” the two said in unison.

The silence came back inside of the minivan as the three attacked Yahaba’s bag with no warning whatsoever, stealing every edible article they could find. Yahaba’s always had a weird and questionable taste on food but this one apple and cinnamon protein bar that Shirabu found in the depths of the bag, under a baby blue button-up shirt with hawaiian flower patterns, was proof that sometimes, he had taste. 

Akaashi sat on the same place he’s been since he entered the car, shoving liquor chocolates inside his mouth while staring at Futakuchi, who was still mourning the loss of his sour gummies, but decided to chew gum very loudly to break the silence and be annoying. 

“So, what have you two been doing since graduation?” and he popped a pink bubble. 

“Futakuchi, if you want to keep your limbs in place for the next minutes you better shut that mouth.”

Futakuchi popped another bubble. “What? You want some, Shirabu?”

“I want you to stop talking. Forever.”

“Be a little more comprehensive, he’s just trying to start a talk.”

“Akaashi, I have been driving for over five hours. Don’t ask me to engage into conversation.” Shirabu stood up and threw his body on the driver’s seat with a loud thump. “Actually, don’t talk to me. For the next 48 hours. Good fucking night.”

Akaashi looked at Futakuchi, who shrugged, spitting the bubblegum into his hand. The small hope for a normal conversation that could distract him from the circumstances of iminent insanity that he was trapped into was lost, bursted into a pink bubble of artificial candy wet with gross drool, wiped in the underside of the seat of the minivan. 

He decided to go back to sleep before Futakuchi started fidgeting with the window. 

“Hey, Akaashi, don’t you think Yabs is taking too long to pee?”

“Maybe he had an upset stomach too. “ Akaashi mumbled into the pillow he took from his suitcase.

“It’s been almost an hour, should we look for him?”

“You go look for him. I hope you get eaten by a wolf.”

“I don’t think splitting apart so much is a good idea, have you ever seen friday 13th?”

Akaashi sat up and arched an eyebrow, the tilted glasses framing his face in a way that pretty much conveyed the current state of his soul. “Who are you? Ennoshita?”

“FUCK ENNOSHITA” Shirabu screamed from the front seat. Something fell on the floor, his entire body. 

“Shirabu you wanna go look for Yahaba?” Futakuchi asked, peeking into the driver’s cabin after taking a jacket from his backpack. “Akaashi wants us to die.”

After sighing out the entirety of his pain and getting his face out of the panel of the car, Shirabu followed after him, having given up on questioning his life decisions. 

The forest was dark, terrifyingly pitched black starless sky stodd above their heart, the only sources of light being their phone’s flashlights and the faint silhouette of the moon behind the clouds that announced the future storm. 

“Yahaba, where the hell are you?” Futakuchi screamed out into the woods. Shirabu rubbed his arms, cold form the wind that whistled in between the trees. 

Leaves ruffled and dry branches broke on the floor and it was supposed to be a normal thing, but the moment Shirabu and Futakuchi gazed upon the exit of the clearing they got stuck in, the forest suddenly became way more terrifying as the cicadas coincidentally decided to shut up, except for one that didn’t get the hint, giving the weird dark aura coming from the enormous amount of bushes and trees an even creepier appearance. 

“Yahaba?” Shirabu whispered into nowhere. Futakuchi turned to him, asking a wordless question. 

Shirabu rolled his eyes and placed the flashlight towards the bushes, pushing the branches aside and walking in.

“Come on, Futakuchi, there’s nothing here…”

“Are you sure?” Futakuchi’s voice was a small whisper that echoed into the uncharacteristic silence of the forest. 

“Yeah, come here already, what’s the worst that could happen?”

Before Futakuchi could point out about how this sentence was the dumbest thing Shirabu could’ve said in the exact situation they were, a scream pierced through his eardrums loud enough to its echoes to be heard by his sixth generation. 

Forgetting his own rules of not making dumb decisions in obviously dumb situations, Futakuchi bursted into the bushed to fnd a still screaming Shirabu clinging to a tree. 

He looked to his right and saw it. 

Yahaba’s lifeless body, tied to a tree, completely immovable, also very slaughtered by big cuts on his chest. At least he had his pants on.

Both men screamed their lungs out,a ghost melody of a violin solo that sounded like the Psycho soundtrack, but backwards, played in the background of their run.

Shirabu’s coat stuck to the bush and Futakuchi pulled him out of it before they could get into an even worse trap than they already were, panting, they let their cellphones fall before reaching the sight of the clearing and the minivan. 

“AKAASHI.”

Akaashi was way too used to his name being shouted around. He actually managed to nap and dreamed about drinking margaritas on an Italian beach with some professional volleyball player before being awakened by the duo. 

“What is wrong with you two? Did Yahaba get back?” he mumbled, trying to reach his glasses but realizing he forgot where he had put them. 

“YAHABA’S DEAD” Futakuchi shouted. 

“What do you mean “dead”?”

“Like slaughtered dead.” Shirabu finished with a gasp. “We’re all gonna die, there’s someone after us.”

“Have you guys even thought this through? It could be an animal or an unfortunate accident, sometimes things fall from unknown places and people die. Or maybe god hates Yahaba and—” Akaashi started incoherently mumbling to himself all the random facts about people dying he learned with the true crime podcasts Konoha-san recommended to him when he was in high school.

“Guys…” Futakuchi called them, pulling the smallest slit open on the curtain to peek outside. “There’s someone out there…”

The violin solo, which was playing so low that you barely noticed while watching this, crescendoes into a strong beat that keeps up with our dear protagonist's heart. Shirabu shoves Futakuchi aside and opens the whole curtain. 

Someone was indeed out there, and they noticed they were seen. And they waved at them. Shirabu was going to faint. 

“You two get out of here” Akaashi snarled, and peeked outside, seeing the blurry forest and nothing that resembled a human silhouette. “You’re seeing things!”

“You’re the one who isn’t seeing a thing,Akaashi, where are your glasses?” Futakuchi asked, throwing Shirabu’s fainted body on one of the seats. 

Someone that was out there was now knocking on the window of their van. Akaashi rolled his eyes and opened it. 

“Akaashi, are you dumb?” Futakuchi squeaked, because Shirabu just woke up and kicked his shin for being thrown on a very uncomfortable pit of backpacks and suspicious looking food wrappers. 

“Hi, how many of you are in there?” the person from outside greeted.

“It’s us three and one of our friends apparently just got killed in the middle of the woods, why are you walking around the forest at such late hours of the night, stranger?”

“What is this, the red riding hood?” 

“Shut up, Futakuchi, let Akaashi and the window guy talk.”

Window guy passed a hand through his hair and gave them a small smile. “I think I’ve actually met your friend before, the one with the fancy hairstyle that likes vandalizing others’ property?”

“Oh, I am sorry for any inconvenience Yahaba may have caused you.”

“Don’t worry, I solved it pretty easily.” And that’s when Futakuchi and Shirabu noticed that the window guy carried an axe on his other hand. Maybe they had a problem. 

“Oh” Akaashi said. And he winced when both Futakuchi and Shirabu kicked his ankles in an attempt to hide from the window guy. 

“But I need to finish my work here, you guys wouldn’t mind, right? I’m Hirugami, by the way. I don’t want this to be weird, it’s always very uncomfortable when i have to do the stuff with sentient people.”

“What do you mean?” Akaashi squinted, trying to form an image out of the blur that was Hirugami in front of his face. When Shirabu squirmed under Futakuchi’s grip in his leg to stop kicking him and threw the glasses on his head, he quickly took them from the floor and readjusted his field of vision. 

“OH” Akaashi Keiji uttered when he realized there was blood sprayed on Hirugami’s chin and a very dirty-looking axe he carried on his back. 

“So which one of you will go first?” Hirugami asked, taking the axe and breaking the minivan’s doorknob. 

Akaashi tried around 97 attempts to stay calm he memorized from a spiritual guidance book he had bought earlier that week on sale. He’s never trusting these ever again because he seems very desperate to shove his body out of the window and run desperately for his life at this moment. 

Futakuchi stands up again and shoves Shirabu against the door before following Akaashi’s idea first and darting into the forest while screaming incoherently. 

“I’ll find that one later” Hirugami scoffed while he took his axe and did things that shall not be mentioned to poor Shirabu, who had already accepted his fate and sent a last prayer to his Lord and saviour Ushijima Wakatoshi. 

“There, there.” He said. “Completely immovable.” he smiled to Shirabu, who was now dead. “I’m glad you’re not trying to run, most people do. It won’t save them from anything. It’s all for nought.” he sang while getting closer to Akaashi. 

"Since you were so polite, I will slow things down for you, Akaashi-kun.”

\--

"For a serial killer, you're pretty talkative. In the movies you guys just kill and leave. Sometimes a threat." Futakuchi stated, still struggling with the knot on the chair. Being tied to a seat while a guy that just killed your friends is sharpening the weapon of the crime was not a very good sensation. 

But Futakuchi was a prick, and his body was under the beautiful convenience of adrenaline rush and his incapacity to shut the hell up, so he'd be okay. 

"You're the most annoying of the three." Hirugami sighed, sliding a finger down the blade and watching a single droplet of blood paint the rusty looking metal. Futakuchi wondered if he had had a tetanus shot. 

"And you're bad at this. I could actually escape out of the room in like five different ways but, you know, I want to see what you wanna do to me." He lied with a smile, hands already numb by the force of the knot against his wrist. 

"I'd love to watch you try." Hirugami laughed. He did not laugh like a maniacal sociopath and for some reason that made him even worse. Futakuchi needed to escape from there. Now. 

"Why are you wandering around in the middle of nowhere? Is this some kind of job?"

"Family business. I'm following the tradition."

"What kind of family is this? Actually, what the hell is wrong with you, why haven't you killed me yet if that's the reasoning?" 

"I need one of you to know my sad backstory and you just gave me closure, so be quiet and listen." 

And when Hirugami dramatically turned backwards to the only source of light in the room waiting for the sad music to start, a candle placed on the desk near Futakuchi's chair, Futakuchi kicked the table, letting the flame burn the ropes and his fingertips too. 

"Ouch!"

\--

"and...CUT!"

"Again?!" Hirugami sighed at Ennoshita, who watched the recorded footage in the camera with a pained expression on his face. 

"I regret letting Futakuchi improvise, get a rest, we're going to reshoot this later." 

"Why are we doing this again?" Yahaba asked, drying the fake blood off his face with a towel. "How did you manage to bribe us all into this thing?" 

"I thought you'd given up in film career, Ennoshita" Shirabu offered him a mug of coffee that was Star Wars themed. 

"You're making me reconsider coming back." He snorted. 

"What is even this script, of course we'd have to improvise!" Hirugami said, now resting on the sofa at the garage of the house of a certain setter from the cat team that did not show up, even though it was his own house. I'll edit it all later, don't worry, he had said. That traitor. 

"I wrote it all, ya like it?" Atsumu perked from inside the house.

"WHY IS THERE A NUN?"

"NUNS ARE SCARY"

"I thought I'd said to 'CUT!'"

**Author's Note:**

> First: why did you read this
> 
> Second: Please leave me kudos and a nice comment, if you convince me I'm funny enough I might try to disprove that statement and actually write my wips. 
> 
> Third: Thank you for reading!!!!


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